


Shine Bright like a Rhinestone

by Sharing_a_room_with_an_open_fire



Series: Di’s Carry On Countdown 2020 [11]
Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell, Simon Snow & Related Fandoms
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Carry On Countdown (Simon Snow), Crack, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Smut, Gift Fic, He just doesn't understand, Humor, Inappropriate Behavior, Inappropriate Humor, Jealous Simon Snow, M/M, Oblivious Simon Snow, POV First Person, POV Simon Snow, Penelope Bunce & Simon Snow Friendship, Prompt Fic, Pure Crack, Rhinestones, Shep is a good bro, Simon is 1000 years old, Simon is Edward, Simon is the greatest moron in this, SnowBaz, Twilight AU, Twilight References, he’s creepy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-04
Updated: 2020-12-04
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:55:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27755719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sharing_a_room_with_an_open_fire/pseuds/Sharing_a_room_with_an_open_fire
Summary: [Explicit] 18+ Simon and Baz.A Twilight AU where Simon watches Baz sleep, in most definitely a creepy way.COC 2020 Day 10, DEC 4: Crossover.Inappropriate humour.
Relationships: Niall & Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Penelope Bunce & Simon Snow, Shepard & Simon Snow, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch & Simon Snow, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Series: Di’s Carry On Countdown 2020 [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2023208
Comments: 10
Kudos: 22
Collections: Carry On Countdown 2020





	Shine Bright like a Rhinestone

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Theawkwardbibliophile](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Theawkwardbibliophile/gifts).



> Dear reader, I hope you will enjoy this crack ficlet. 💙  
>   
> This is meant to mock Edward from Twilight and not in any way belittle someone’s sexual experience or the lack of it. 💙💙💙  
>   
>  **Maaaaacha** , this is for you. 🥺🥺🥺 Thank you for gifting us with best Twilight HCs ever, like Edward writing in his diary, and being 1000 yo. 🤩🤩🤩 Your galaxy brain knows no borders!!!! 💙💙💙
> 
> * * *
> 
> As always so many thanks and love to my amazing friends and betas Blue ([mybluebucketofsnow](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mybluebucketofsnow/pseuds/mybluebucketofsnow)) and [shushu_yaoi_lj (llamapyjamas)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/shushu_yaoi_lj/pseuds/shushu_yaoi_lj).  
>   
> Thank you for all the help and support with this COC and everything I write and for being awesome friends. 💙
> 
> * * *

# SIMON

I've written in length about Baz in my diary. How his perfect black hair spreading elegantly on the pillow is there to distract me from _his scheming_.

Unless his hair _is_ a ploy in and on itself. Should not exclude that possibility. I'm _very_ intelligent due to going to the same three classes for a thousand years.

I think Baz uses his best friend — Niall — to taunt me, showing off that he has a friend who isn’t related to him by blood or a vampiric family ties and spends time with him _willingly_.

Some of us don’t have that. Penny says everyone loves me because I’m _unique_. But I am pretty sure she’s just being nice.

Speaking of Niall, I absolutely loath him for being Baz’s best friend. (I mean, for distracting me from Baz’s plotting.) Shep says I'm jealous. But I don't think Niall has anything I am jealous of. Shep must be wrong this time.

Niall is pale. Not as pale as _me_ , no one is, but pale regardless. Even though he is from the South of Britain where there's more sun. But maybe that’s not how it works. We haven’t covered that in school _yet_. Not once in a thousand years.

I am most definitely paying attention to education and do _not_ spend the lessons eavesdropping on everyone’s personal thoughts.

I wonder if Niall is allergic to sunshine. I am. In a way. I sparkle, with big rhinestones materialising along my whole body. _My cock too_. (Looks weird.)

The way I shine reminds me of the jumpers our elderly neighbour wears, with various sparkly stones on top. She looks like Dorothy from Golden Girls. But Shep says he's personally witnessed that our neighbour is more of a Blanche. (Not sure what he meant by that.)

Baz isn’t as pale as me. He has coppery skin. I like it better than my own rhinestones skin, that looks like a sickly shade of marble on a rainy day.

Right now I'm sitting in the corner, watching him sleep. (Not in a creepy way.)

Penny had a vision. Baz and I were tumbling around on the floor. This can only mean _one_ _thing_ — Baz is plotting against me and we are going to have a fight.

Shep can sense everyone’s emotions and affect them too. I always trust his judgment. And he said the vision means that Baz wants to go down on me.

I think he's right, Baz wants nothing more than to _take me down_.

Speaking of Baz.

He looks _exceptionally_ sinister, half-naked on his bed. A shiver goes down my spine from watching him and my mouth goes dry.

He's breathing heavily and mumbling in his sleep. ”Yes…Simon...” he moans. ”Take me now.”

I wonder what Baz is dreaming about? Is he talking about _me_? Where does he want me to take him?

He has _nefarious plans_ , of that I'm sure.

I'm getting distracted from my thoughts when Baz’s hand reaches for his groin, squeezing.

I watch him, not sure what is happening. What is he doing exactly? Is it a _sex thing_? (I'm a thousand-year-old virgin so I don't know much.)

Truthfully I want to look away but I can't. Baz must be a _witch_.

How else has he managed to put me under his spell with his beauty? I mean, _not_ his beauty.

I don't think about how hot he is and how delicious his lips look when they are parted or how my cock twitches even though I'm dead and don't understand how cocks work.

Should I touch it — _my cock_? What will happen if I do? Is it _venomous_?

When Baz starts pulling on his own cock, I think I should do too, to be polite. But also maybe by watching Baz I could finally learn what one does with their cock.

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. 💙


End file.
